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Otec 4 dcér sa delí s Instagramom o to, aké je to byť jediným chlapom v domácnosti

Lebo vysvetľovanie menštruácie pokiaľ si chlap, to fakt nechceš…

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Ak je rodinná fotografia taká dokonalá, až vás núti cítiť sa zle, na deväťdesiat percent nie je reálna. Práve tomu sa rozhodol dať jasnú stopku Simon Hooper, ktorý ako otec štyroch dcér okusuje život rodiča skutočne naplno. A ten nie je vždy dvakrát ružový. Štvornásobný otecko sa teda rozhodol počastovať internet svojim reálnymi fotografiami, ktoré vykresľujú život s piatimi ženami v dome v naozajstnom svetle.

„Moje fotografie nezobrazujú nič iné ako skutočný život rodičov z pohľadu jedného z nich,“ hovorí Simon. Jeho fotografie sa stretli s ohromnou vlnou pozitívnych reakcií, čoho dôkazom je aj takmer 700-tisíc sledovateľov na jeho instagramovom účte father_of_daughters. Aké to teda naozaj je byť rodičom, taxikárom, opravárom, upratovačom a bankou v jednom?

Finally after a week of essentially living like nomads (we've slept in 5 different places in 6 days) we're on the last leg with one obstacle to overcome – packing the sodding car…..again – something I've now done 5 times this week which had to be a record of some sort that no one wants to hold. Each day it got more challenging as we accumulated yet more stuff we didn't need – balls, beach games, replacements for things we forgot to bring in the first place and will now have duplicates of, food I refuse to bin, souvenirs we'll take home and either break, lose or put in a box to be forgotten about until we rediscover them when we move house. It all goes in if we hold our breath & suck in for the entire journey, so if you see us on the motorway do is a favour and get out the way before we all turn blue. #packingupteamhooper #roofboxesareforquitters #youcanalwaysmakemoreroom #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #fod #itwillgoin #nobodybreath #instadad

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If the summer holidays were a person, they'd have alot to answer for. In fact they'd have been called in for questioning & probably locked up for multiple life sentences by now as they get used a scapegoat for anything & everything by the kids. "But it's the summer holiday" is a sentence that rings around our house like an echo designed to make your brain dribble out your ears. It's responsible for: staying up way too late ✔️dinning on a sugary cereals any time between 8am & 7pm✔️ watching previously banned crap on TV ✔️having more biscuits in the house that a mcvities distribution centre ✔️getting away with behaviour that would send family phychologists into early retirement ✔️ random food items inserted into food shop with the stealth of ninja in kashmere socks ✔️ . Oh well, only 3 weeks to go. To top it all, When we got home, I locked eyes with Ottie who then immediately filled her undergarments without so much as a wince. It was then I realised I'd left 62 neatly packed unused nappies in the supermarket by the checkout. I'd forgotten them as I was being hassled for magazines and shopkins. Guess where I'm going now…..more nappies. #summerholidayshavealottoanswerfor #schoolholidays #3wkstogo #imgoingtostartsayingit #sugarhypedkids #dadlife #instadad #FatherofDaughters #fod

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While cats away, the mice will play – mainly in our bathroom. With @mother_of_daughters out tonight, it was left to me to follow the sounds of glass bottles being dropped & squeaks of delight as caps eventually came off things. Eventually I found this particular mouse / cat buglar (that looked suspciously like Delilah) in an ill fitting set of PJs helping herself to 'night cream', what ever that is. No wonder my face is as lined as a ploughed field, all our products have been slowly but surely used by little people as if it was a tester rack in a dept store. If only it was as easy as picking them up by the scruff of the neck – removal of the offending article /child now involves them throwing themselves backwards like a high jumper perfecting the fosbury flop with such force, you wonder if they are actually invertebrates. (Fyi you can get my t shirt from the link in my bio, it's for the Winston's wish charity). #spinelessthieves #timeforhighershelves #nowonderilooklokeshit #thisisntatesterrack #FatherofDaughters #fod #dadlife #instadad

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Bathtime is slowly becoming a game of 'spot the child amongst the metric tonne of the foam letters & plastic squeezy bath toys'. I swear these things are actually getting busy at night & producing offspring as I'm definitely not buying this stuff! Delilah is looking hacked off as Mr. Pig left us today – unfortunately Mr. Pig had a severe internal disease that caused his insides to turn what was once nice soapy water into black sludge that he spewed forth if you squeezed his stomach ('dirty blow hole'as it's known, is the No. 1 killer amongst bath toys these days). It was terminal & surgery would have only prolonged his pain (& his ability to spread disease). Mr. Pig was survived by his partner Ms. Oinkington & their two adopted sons, Burt the frog & some weird octopus thing that we never named. As least his last moment we're spent doing what he loved – being waterboarded by children. #ripmrpig #squeezybathtoysaregross #waterboardedbykids #bathtime #wheresthewater #fod #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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The nappy bin has to be my least favourite of parenting jobs. The cheap filmsy bags I bought that were 25p cheaper proved their worth & ripped under the sheer weight of human waste, spilling a odur into the room that a really pungent old cheese with athletes food & chronic halitosis would be proud of. It's my fault really. I open that bin, slide in the offending articles quicker than David Blane's slight of hand & leave the room hoping that @mother_of_daughters will deal with when it's too full. Tonight I got my just desserts as the bag gave up & my normally suppressed gag reflex came out the play while the twins gleefully looked on at a grown man having to carry 2.7kg of nappies filled with 'gifts' out of the room, dry heaving like a cat with a hairball. Winning I am not. Fyi £3.5k so far which is brilliant but please keep donating! (link in my bio). #theresabucketofshitintheroom #thiswasntinthejobdescription #parenting #twins #fod #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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Anyone else scared shittless of cutting nails? All babies seem to have nails as sharp as very small, but very real box cutters. Don't have knife handy when scoring a pork joint? just use your kids. That's why keeping the talons retracted to avoid wolverine type incidents is essential, but it's not for the faint hearted. When Anya was a baby I was terrified. Tiny fingers & sharp implements, in my mind, equalled a bloody mess of homemade sausages on the floor. Still, I had to do it, so I got busy with my 1st baby mani. Within 10 seconds, I'd managed to cut the end of her finger off, producing enough of the red stuff to warrant putting all blood Banks in a 100 mile radius on stand by. Who knew you'd need the dexterity of a key hold surgeon combined with the skills of an alligator wrestler to get this done?! Fast forward 10 yrs & I now confidentially clip away like edward scissorhands after 20 coffees, as shards of splintering nails fly off in random directly & disappear into the carpet, only to be discovered later by a very annoyed @mother_of_daughters. #idontdobiting #cantkeeptrackoftinynails #babynails #whoneedfingersanyway #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

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When unloading the dishwasher this evening I could help notice the contents is looking a lot like the left overs from a gay pride parade. That or a unicorn ate a gone off rainbow has vomited onto my plates. Before kids, we spent a long time curating the perfect crockery collection – It matched, it was pristine & everything stacked nicely. Fast forward 10 years –  we now have a collection of chipped plates & dishes that match as well as tweed & trainers & have faded much like my youthful complexion. our cupboards are full of round edged rainbow coloured plastic & wood eating implements. Come dinner parties or any dinner time come think about it,  we genuinely struggle to not use bowls without cartoon cats on them. If you don't have kids already, get ready as this WILL happen to you. Tag someone who understands my pain or needs to know about this. BTW I have no idea why Marnie is in a leotard, I just don't ask anymore. #gaypridedishwasher #softcorneredeverything #unicornvomitcrockery #rainbow #familylife #fod #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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The dictionary defines 'Privacy' as: the state of being apart from other people or concealed from their view; solitude; seclusion. However when you have children that word ceases to have any real meaning. It's one of those things you used to have, much like the ability to leave the house at the time you choose, to sleep past 8am & to think 'we should go out tonight" & actually do it. The last remaining lock on the bathroom was busted off by @mother_of_daughters when I had 'spent an unnaturally long time in there' & barged in to confiscate my phone. We apparently operate an open door policy which means I shared my shower this morning with an audience of 3 women – Thanks Clemmie for taking this picture while not helping at all & snorting as the twins squealed. Having girls of any age point & laugh as your in your birthday suit does wonders for body confidence – i can visibly see it going down the plug hole to go & spend time with the matted hair ball the girls all contribute towards that takes up residency every so often and has to be forcibly removed by yours truly. Arrhh – the joys of life with 5 women. #lovewithgirls #privacyisforotherpeople #locksarehistory #twins #parenting #noprivacy #bodyconfidence #twins #hairballremovalservice #everyoneonthesmallestroominthehouse #fod #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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I sometimes forget that being the middle child can be a bit shit. Anya is 10 going on 16 & finds her little sister annoying to the point that she's made a profession out of making her little sister feel like no better used chewing gum on a shoe & at other end of the spectrum are the twins who grab more attention from us than a house sized bill board with flashing neon lights on it. Poor Marnie gets squeezed & get the dregs of our time which is next to nothing. She's growing up to be self sufficient but sometimes gets lost in the noise of family life & is really feeling middle child syndrome taking a grip – as a result we get behaviour which is crying out for attention. So with that in mind we made a list of things we can do together without everyone else, 1st of which was play connect4 for 15 minutes. Hate losing but to get her smiling again I'd sell my own lungs. Any other bright ideas? #middlechildsqueeze #lungsforsale #itsaboutqualityandquantity #fakelosingisnofun #middlechildsyndrome #parenting #timewithmygirl #fod #Fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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Like most modern families, our house is slowly turning into a electronics supply shop. We have so many USB cables (many for things we no longer own) that you could tie them all together, use them to abseil down a sky scraper and still have enough left over to weave a very uncomfortable jumper out of. They even have their own drawer in the living room, but unfortunately the twins have discovered it & now constantly pull them all out and heap them on the floor like pile of unpalatable black plastic spaghetti & select pieces to wear as jewellery, all while @mother_of_daughters silently weeps in the corner at yet more mess. I know wearable tech is all the rage but come on girls, this is weak. Please tell me my twins aren't the only ones out there have taken up the death wish of a past time?! Maybe they see Clemmie wearing necklaces and try to emulate her, maybe they are just testing my nerves. whatever it is, I don't understand it. Is it a girl thing? Before electronics invaded our homes, did kids do this? #poormanswearabletech #USBnecklace #cabledrawerofdoom #FOD #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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Much like logical reasoning & a tandruming child, heat & babies don't mix well. This was this morning at a time that most people might call the night but the twins decided it was a perfectly acceptable time to start their, and therefore, our day. I've got home after a night out later than this! (granted, not recently, but still). For those professionals out there, note Clemmie is performing the classic 'iPad over the face' technique to maximise shut eye time while still providing entertainment. I on the other hand have no protection and was forced to stare at the ceiling, listen to fully grown humans in costumes talking like babies (never forget there's a adults inside a teletubby – you'll see it in a whole new light) while getting occasionally face grabbed by sweaty milk covered hands until my alarm went off – it felt like I was bring subjected interrogation torture but I had no answers. #teletubbywhitenoise #heatandbabiesdontmix #greeceiscoldright? #literallynoideahowwerestillawake #needafan #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

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Looking after little ones whilst enduring the remainder of a post stag do adult headache that i'd invested a fair out time, effort and money in and was of such good quality it required surgery to remove , wasn't one of my 'top of list' activities to do upon getting home. That said, the vast majority of my parenting was done while horizontal. Doctors patients, horsey rides (that don't move), sleeping giants, being a baby, pretending to play hide & seek and using the 30 seconds as I count as an excuse for a micro sleep – anything that involves frequent opportunities to inspect the inside of my eyelids and such little movement that a sloth with motivation issues and a gammy leg could accuse me of being lazy. It's official – my body just isn't as young a my mind thinks I am. #poststagdo #backtoreality #twins #yesididgethitwiththatshoe #passtheparacetamol #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

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Much like the Trumps, nepotism is rife in our family – we like to promote from within, but what is the point of having children if this is how they help you do a simple job like cleaning the windows?They are as useful as a concrete shoes when trying to walk on water. About 20 inches up on all our windows there is a trail of human leech marks from babies that have blown raspberries to amuse themselves / drive us crazy by having to clean things over and over again like an OCD Cleanloness addict on groundhogday – I have a new found respect for bridge painters who complete a job only to then have to go back to the start to begin again. As for the older girls, I feels like I'm giving them money for jobs that they then do half arsed & we then redo when they're in bed. What lessons are we teaching them? If you piss around & put minimal effort in, dont worry you'll still get paid while some goody two shoes does the hard graft. Pretty sure I'm bringing up a small team of professional loafers who will be able code software but not know how to wash their own clothes. #moderndaykids #concreteshoes #mustbefirmer #cleaninggroundhogday #cleanrepeatcleanrepeat #twins #houseworknothardwork #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

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While driving home on Sunday, Ottie filled her nappy. And I mean filled it, like a child filling a glass of coke at a self service restuarant – to the brim. I was in the car with 4 kids, in traffic with no where to pull over. We wound the winds down & Ottie toughed it out in her armchair made of shit for 90 minutes while we took it in turns to breath. It had leaked everywhere so upon arriving home I got everyone & everything out, dumped in in the kitchen & vowed to wash the car seat that very evening. I forgot & instead watched TV & drank beer. 2 days later and no one has used the car until this evening when I was sent to the shops. A green haze flowed out of the car which now smells like a abattoir that hadn't paid it's electricity bills for a while and had finally been cut off. And how come you need a masters degree in engineering to get the sodding cover off and on again??!!! #mastersdegreeincoverremoval #notthatsnotmichaeljacksonitsclemmie #carseatadventures #whatthehelldidifeedher #deepcleanrequired # #FOD #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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Working from home sounds great, however the reality doesn't always match up with the image your mind creates. Due to a family scheduling error, instead of watching fraiser in my dress gown with a laptop on my lap, drinking endless (hot) tea & generally living like a 19 yr old version of me, today I was accompanied by clemmie & 2 work experience kids. They say "many hands make light work" – Well that's simply not true, unless the "work" that's refered to involves watching toddlers scale/fall off furniture like drunk lemmings, blocking small hammer like fists from smashing the life out of laptop keyboards or watching 1 of the work experience kids shitting herself while speaking on a conference call with New York. That was a real highlight. #workingfromhome #dontlookatmeintheeyeswhenyoudothat #triplethehandsquadupletheefforrt #FOD #workingparent #dadlife #realparenting #father_of_daughers #instadad

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@mother_of_daughters is out this evening getting yet another ear piercing (if she gets any more, I'll be able to see through her) so I've got all 4. Like any manager worth his pay grade, I delegated & I left Marnie in charge of the 2 delinquents while I made bottles. I returned to the twins drowning animals in the toilet & dispensing of, what transpired to be, the last toilet roll in the house. Unsurprizingly, like my pay check after 10 days, the 6 yr old had vanished without a trace. If you don't hear from me tomorrow it's because i died on a wet bathroom floor due to getting my arm stuck round the U bend while retrieving a plastic squeaky cow and my dignity. What a way to go. #atleasthedieddoingwhatheloved #toilettombola #baddelegation #myselfrespectisintheresomewheretoo #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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Sometimes as a #fatherofdaughters you have to put your testosterone to one side, give in and let girls be girls. So what do you get if you cross bored girls who love makeovers / playing with out of date make up they retrieve from @mother_of_daughters bin & a tired dad who'll say yes to anything to make them happy / quieter? I introduce you to my drag queen half brother, Simone. You can find him performing cabaret in soho every Thursday. Of course, they then thought it was hilarious to hide the make up remover – Oh, how I laughed. When clemmie saw me, she just shook her head and walked off….. #reallybringsoutmyeyes #whyblueeyebrows #anythingformygirls #snogmarryavoid? #privateshowswillcostyou #FOD #dadlife #instadad

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This week my eldest has been doing sex education at school. Shes very mature about it & having a midwife as a mum, they know a lot more than your average kid, no 'front bottoms' or 'nunnys' in this house, it's strictly a 'vagina' affair (which coincidently would be a great title for a drama series on TV) That said, she's chosen tonight (when @mother_of_daughters is away) to ask questions about men which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but i promised to tell her the truth. My personal favourites – "do you wear a condom daddy?" Me – "Yes". Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. "Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?" I laughed proudly – "Way more……like at least 9 or 10 times" ( I didn't want to come across as a sex crazied maniac). #sexeducation #shestheadultimthechild #sheknowsmorethanme #dontaskaboutmasturbationorilldie #ivedoneitloads #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting

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After a week of wiggling, twisting & flicking, Marnie finally lost her first tooth. I was so please for my, now lisping, daughter until she informed me that some kid in her class got £5 (WTF) for his tooth – the tooth fairy is obviously sensitive to inflation and the fluctuations of the world economy – but come on – that's £100 for a full set of 20! Which parent out there is dishing out £5 a tooth?! If I find them, I'm going to force feed them their own teeth as they have set a ridiculous benchmark for everyone else to live up to. I may actually have to sell my own teeth to cover this! #iswearigot10patooth #50pforbigones #toothfairytax #thetoothfairyisobviouslyloaded #toothinflation #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

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Tomorrow is international day of the girl and I, more than most, am celebrating. I might be heavily outnumbered and outgunned, but I'm celebrating because my girls are strong independent young ladies that are growing up in a world that they can do anything they put their mind to (with a little encouragement). We strive for equality and see women as equals (and in my case, as superiors!). That said, in many places girls are seen as second class citizens and have limited opportunities to reach their full potential. This has to change. Go kiss your girls goodnight & encourage them everyday to reach for the stars. Tag a strong girl and share. #mygirlswearthetrousers #daughters #dayofthegirl #girlsareequals #girlsarestrong #sisters #mygirls #girlsareamazing #beproudofyoudaughters #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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Parents aren't actually allowed to get sick. Usually we're the ones scooping up piles of vomit, dabbing kids brows and dishing out calpol like it's soup at a homeless shelter. If parents do feel unwell, the whole system collapses under its own weight and things degenerate into something that ressembles a post apocalyptic world run by children. Robbing, looting, gang warfare and general anarchy are the order of the day. I'm also terrible at admitting when I'm not feeling well as I don't like being fussed over. it will also undoubtedly be interpreted as 'man flu' by the girls in my life (last time this happened, I actually ended up being diagnosed with blood poisoning and was admitted for 2 days). So here I am admitting I'm not 100% and @mother_of_daughters is looking after me. She's a saint. Sometimes the love of a good women is all you need. That, and calpol 6+. #itsnotalwaysmanfluyouknow #parentsarentallowedtogetsick #mencangetsicktoo # calpolontap #outofaction #parenting #sicknote #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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Someone call crime watch! I took this picture of a guy getting mugged in broad day light today. The 2 confidence tricksters are known in the local area and ply their trade by pretending to love their victims and then, when their guard is down, scratching their faces to pieces, pulling their hair and dribbling on them until they are given milk or rice cakes. The suspects are described as looking exactly the same, to the degree that their father cant tell them apart. They are around 2.5 ft tall, talk with a strange accent and are incredibly cute. Some previous victims had said they smell like a childrens play centre toilets but that has yet to be confirmed. #muggedbybabies #twins #parentinginjuries #thelmaandlouiseinthemaking #callcrimewatch #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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Zdroj: boredpanda.com
Titulná fotka: instagram.com

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